SCATTERBRAINED: Happiness is a Warm Gun

By FRANCISCO E. JIMENEZ
Staff Writer
reporter@sbnewspaper.com

Francisco E. Jimenez

A cool gust of wind sends a chill through my body as I try to keep myself from shivering. I try to control my breathing. Slow breaths. In and out, in… and out…

I am starring down at my target, gun raised, and ready to bust a cap.

My hands grip a .9mm caliber pistol, tightly, in order to maintain a steady aim and prevent myself from being smacked in the face by the kick of the gun.

When I am ready, I take a deep breath, hold it for a second of two, and slowly exhale as I pull the trigger. KAPOW!

I feel a slight concussion from the gun blast, a miniscule sonic boom as the lead from a bullet exits the chamber, and the smell of gunpowder begins to emanate around me. I love it.

I could write a book about my love for recreational gun use and never run out of material. I could write about the countless hours spent at numerous gun shows and hunting expos. In fact, it’s hard to imagine a time that the Saxet Gun Show has come to town and I’ve failed to attend. Dare I say I even became a card-carrying member of the National Rifle Association (NRA) at one point. (I was promised free admission into a gun show if I signed up, don’t judge me.)

I’ve spent countless hours sitting in a deer blind in the middle of Texas Hill Country, in the blistering cold, waiting for the perfect trophy buck to appear. (I’m still waiting). This is happiness.

Unfortunately, in the wake of the one-month anniversary of the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting, the two-year anniversary of the shooting in Tucson, Arizona, and numerous others in between, the topic of gun control has become as ubiquitous as that stupid Gangnam Style song. In fact, while I am writing this, details are being reported on various news sources about a school shooting in California.

Whether you are a gun owner or not, it is self-evident that immediate action is imperative at this point. It is long overdue. But instead of ideas being put on the table, all I see are battlelines being drawn. Whose side are you on? If you aren’t with us, you’re against us.

I understand that people are scared. Just watch Alex Jones’ recent tirade against Piers Morgan (I’m pretty sure he was on bath salts). Gun control has always been a very delicate subject, more now than ever. It seems like for every solution offered, there are a hundred flaws.

Well, this is my attempt, as a gun owner, to come up with a simple solution to gun violence while not intruding on anybody’s Second Amendment rights. Of course, this is all hypothetical. The last thing I want is to add fuel to the fire, but I want to find middle ground. So here goes nothing…

(Takes deep breath… slowly exhales…)

I believe that a solution to the gun problem may be as simple as requiring everyone who desires to purchase, own or already owns a gun to get a gun license. It would be in the same ballpark as trying to get a driver’s license, only this particular license would require an actual, in-depth psychological evaluation, criminal background check, and gun safety courses would be necessary as well.

Now, I know you’re probably thinking, “But gun purchases already require a psychological evaluation and criminal background check.” Not exactly. Anyone can check “no.”

Anyone wanting to purchase a firearm or ammunition would only be able to do so with a gun license. Anyone discovered with a firearm and no license would face severe consequences.

One point I would like to make is that if you truly believe the government really wants to take away your guns, resulting in another “revolutionary war,” then you’re probably not fit to own a gun in the first place. People need to put their differences aside, get their heads out of their… umm… sand, and work together to find the long overdue solution to this gun problem.

Alex Jones is a moron.

Read this story in the Jan. 13 edition of the San Benito News, or subscribe to our E-Edition by clicking here.