STARBUCK’S PROBLEMS: Beware the Coalition of Creepers

By HEATHER CATHLEEN COX
Special to the NEWS

Heather Cathleen Cox

A man walked into Starbuck’s, my other home, and looked at me quizzically before asking, “Hey, aren’t you Heather the Writer?” sort of like it was my full name.

Never mind the sheer fact that this stranger knows who I am and what I’m doing (he also asked “Is Heather the Writer, writing?”) is sorta creepy, I still smiled and nodded, but was careful not to look up from my work, hoping ignoring him would make him go away. While a regular person would take a hint and go on about their own business, this guy stood firm, gazing at me like this was Starbuck’spalooza and I was the main attraction. After seconds of awkward silence and my refusal to make eye contact with him, he finally motioned with his hands and said something I tried not to hear. Through peripheral vision, I noticed he was gesturing as though: “Oh, I’ll be back.”

He left. I thanked God, silently of course.

He came back.

He sat his drink down next to mine, on a small table, and threw a pile of work down on the floor. He made some disenfranchising sound as he plopped down in the comfy seat next to mine. I could feel his eyes on me, so I glanced over and I caught him looking at my laptop screen. Immediately, I knew this was not gonna fly.

I looked across the lobby, and I noticed multiple empty seats, comfy seats no less, on the other side of the shop. As I pondered how I would be able to get up and leave immediately, without looking rude, I decided to avoid further eye contact or verbalization. I had so much stuff with me – a purse, a laptop, a laptop bag, my coffee and a notebook – I knew it would take more than one trip to transfer it all. It was at this point it became obvious I had what I refer to as “Starbuck’s Problems.”

So, without further ado, I stood up. Of course, I dropped a pen. Of course. I bent over to pick it up before making my first voyage to the promised land. I thought briefly about just leaving the rest of my things where they were; however, one of the items left behind was my coffee. Shucks. Sigh. So I made another trip to my former seat, and he looked at me. Square in the eyes, he watched as I collected my grande mug of delicious blonde roast coffee, cooling by the moment. I told myself I wouldn’t say anything to him… that I would just move silently.

Starbuck’s is a free country, after all.

Then … it happened. Faced with the Starbuck’s creeper staring at me like he knew I was fleeing, I felt the pressure well up in my gut. It’s when faced with creeper situations such as this that a girl realizes what she’s made of. I couldn’t help it. I just couldn’t. I lied. “I’m not moving because of you,” I said with a halfhearted smile as I nearly ran to my new chair.

Lying is a bad, bad thing. Sigh.

I heard him say, “Thank you.” Which makes me believe, perhaps, this sort of thing happens to him often. Regardless, life was getting back to normal from my new vantage point when I noted a young man walk through the side door. This guy, though around 30 years younger than the first creep of the night, has a reputation for hitting on single women. Actually, he hit on me multiple times before he finally got the hint “it” wasn’t going happen – at which point I practically became dead to him. (I’m fine with that by the way.) This younger patron walked in, nodded my way, and stood in the doorway, tilting his head in a swirling motion, so as to “scope out the babes,” I’m sure. Then, he walked toward the older guy and shook his hand. They exchanged cordial somethings, I noted, and he sat down in the seat I had fled a few minutes prior.

Am I missing something? Is there a coalition of Starbuck’s creepers? Do they have a union?

Sigh.

Meanwhile, my coffee has gotten cold and the two left the building… at least for now. Ladies, beware. The Starbuck’s creepers not only exist, they are friends. They span multiple generations and know no bounds.

Although they may well run you out of your favorite chair, don’t let them run you out completely.

Until next time, may you be free from Starbuck’s Problems.

Read this story in the March 6 edition of the San Benito News, or subscribe to our E-Edition by clicking here.