By HEATHER CATHLEEN COX
Staff Writer
reporter@portisabelsouthpadre.com
Heather Cathleen Cox
When asked by my high school career counselor what I wanted to do with my life, I said, “I want to leave the Valley.” What I really meant was I wanted to be free. Free from the constraints of academia, of my parents, of religion, of all the ‘powers that be.’
I’ve always been non-traditional. And here I am now, in my late-20s. Although I eventually went to college, I dropped out two semesters shy of obtaining my Bachelor’s degree. I haven’t been married, don’t have kids, don’t have pets, and I have never wanted to tie myself to anything for very long—including residences. I’ve moved roughly 40 times over the past 10 years, mostly around the US.
I value my close friends, so I take their constructive criticism to heart. And two months ago, over dinner, someone close to me expressed that she felt I had a ‘fear of responsibility.’
It’s my experience that I can live a peaceful existence because I know a lot about myself, such as my likes, dislikes and tendencies. While no one has to agree (like my aforementioned friend, for example), the truth is I rarely make a decision—good or bad—for which I couldn’t thoroughly explain my motive and rationale.
That being said, I certainly own up to the fact that, at this point in my life, I have lived the life of a nomad or gypsy or vagabond or what have you. But this decision was indeed my decision, not just something I happed upon due to lack of a better plan. I got a job at 16, graduated from high school at age 17, and I’ve been living on my own since I was 18. I was born an independent free-spirit; I’ve lived this way my entire life, and I hope I always remain so.
Although other peoples’ criticism regarding the way we live our lives can sometimes be helpful, let’s remember 1 Thessalonians 5:21 which says, “Test all things; hold fast what is good.” Try it out, but if something doesn’t work in your own life, and you know it doesn’t, why force yourself to keep it around just because someone said so?
I don’t like onions. If they’re in an onion ring, I’ll pluck them out and eat the breading. If they’re in chicken salad, I’ll pluck them out individually. I understand that they’re used to season food, but if they’re not absolutely minced to the point of non-recognition, I’ll always pluck them out. I would never just bite into an onion—red, yellow, white, green, purple or otherwise—nor would I put one purposely onto my plate. If I’m ever given the option of “no onions,” I’ll always take it. I know this about myself.
Likewise, you have things in your life that you dislike as much as I dislike onions. For some, unfortunately, the thing is your job, someone in your ‘social circle’ with whom you ‘must associate’ regularly, someone’s preconceived ideals of how you should behave, etc.
To me, the concept of trying to make my life mirror others’ expectations is as unrealistic as me requesting extra onions next time I order a meal at a restaurant. If I felt inadequate because I don’t have three children, two-and-a-half dogs, the newest smart phone and religious/political affiliations to match popular opinion, my life would be flavorless and worrisome. Not because it’s inherently wrong to have those things but because it’s wrong for me at this time in my life.
After taking sufficient time to reflect upon my friend’s words, I denounce her supposition. I’m not afraid of responsibility. I just don’t want to bog myself down with things I don’t love with my whole heart. I have a smorgasbord of life in front of me, in the grocery store of my dreams. I see aisles full of luscious berries, decadent citrus fruit, and wild watermelons—my favorite, by the way—that are fresh and juicy and red and ripe for the plucking. So when I’m filling up my own personal shopping cart, to take to my own personal home, where I will mind my own personal business, I’m never going to pick the onion. Ever.
And neither should you.
There are plenty of smelly onions in the sea of life, friend. But there are also plenty of decadent watermelons or whatever it is your heart desires. I don’t know about you, but I’m unapologetically 86’ing the onions.
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